Author Archives: Lorraine

Value Your Integrity

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 This article looks briefly at what you can do to enhance your integrity. I love these quote.

 ‘If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it’

Marcus Aurelius

 ‘You do not wake up one morning a bad person. It happens by a thousand tiny surrenders of self-respect to self-interest’

Robert Brault (American writer)

Definition of integrity

 ‘the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles that you refuse to change’

Cambridge English Dictionary

Integrity
Integrity (Brett Jordan)

Every day we make decisions that test our integrity and what we believe in. It could be as simple as owning up to an error you have made at work instead of letting somebody else take the blame.

When we make good honest choices with integrity in mind it feels good. Others can see this in us and we grow from strength to strength. When discussing with a friend integrity she said ‘it’s just part of our DNA’.

 I think integrity is learned from childhood. We observe it in our parents decision making. We also see the consequences of good integrity. As we develop as individuals and hopefully  maintain integrity we will find friends and people in our network who have integrity too. When we live with integrity it feels good.

When it is part of your everyday life it comes through in what you say, how you react and how you feel. It is just something you do when you don’t have to think about it.

 How to Improve Integrity

 Here are some things you can work on to improve your integrity:

  • Identify what you believe in and what matters. I think of the values that you will never compromise about.
  • Know yourself well so that you make the right choice even if nobody else is around. People often cut corners when they think nobody else will notice. It is about doing the right thing all the time. If the decision you make feels right it probably is. If you have to try to justify to yourself why you are doing something, you are probably listening to the rational side of yourself and not to your heart.
  • Develop your confidence and self- esteem. Mix with people who have integrity. If you have  a decision to make and you don’t know what to do think of a role model in your life who has integrity and think how would they deal with it.

 Key points:

  • Research has consistently shown that people who have integrity are humble and well liked. They have many benefits from having good close relationships (Hodgins, Koestner, & Duncan, 1996)
  • Keep your word, say what you mean and don’t back track later
  • Be confident in who you are and stand up for what you believe in
  •  You don’t need to prove anything – act with integrity and stay humble. You don’t have to stand on a pedestal to get your point heard.

If you need any coaching support contact me

How to Improve Your Relationships

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Relationships

When you have great relationships in your life you will be happier. Whether it is your partner, your family or your friends you will always need to work and improve those relaWhen you have great relationships in your life you will be happier. Whether it is your partner, your family or your friends you will always need to work and improve those relationships. Many often take them for granted and thWhen you have great relationships in your life you will be happier. Whether it is your partner, your family or your friends you will always need to work and improve those relationships. Many often take them for granted and this can lead to complacency.is can lead to complacency.tionships. Many often take them for granted and this can lead to complacency.

Relationships

Here are my top tips to develop a great relationship

·      Don’t monopolise the conversation – make it about the other person.

 When you monopolise the conversation you are making it about you. As soon as you do this the other person will start to drift away and lose interest. Your aim should be to listen more than you speak. If you think of the conversation as 100% between you and the other person, you should aim to listen 70% of the time.

We have all met people who talk endlessly about something that is of no interest to us and others who just monopolise the conversation and make it about themselves.

·      Show an interest in the other person.

Ask the other person open-ended questions. 

When you ask questions it shows you are interested in the other person and helps them to connect with you.  Ask about family, friends and jobs etc. An open-ended question is a question that does not need a yes or no answer.

Ask them an open-ended question about something that you notice about them. This creates a better depth in the conversation. Show interest in this person and find out what interests them. Ask someone how they think or feel about something that they are talking about.

 Pay them a compliment and give positive sincere feedback.

·      Be present and attentive when listening to somebody.

The key word in the previous sentence is present. Listen to what they say without interrupting or thinking how you should respond. Listening well strengthens a relationship as people feel that you care.

Actively listen to the other person. I have met people who are talking to me and they look as though they are listening but they have that faraway look in their eyes, you know they are not listening but thinking of something else.

If you struggle with active listening practice on your family and keep tryingWhen you have great relationships in your life you will be happier. Whether it is your partner, your family or your friends you will always need to work and improve those relationships. Many often take them for granted and this can lead to complacency. to bring your mind back to the present. With practice you will get better.

 ·      Be understanding and compassionate. 

Good relationships require compassion and understanding for each other. Using perspective, try to understand where the other person is coming from even if you have a different opinion. Talk to them from the heart in a calm and kind way.

You can say something like, “I really understand why you are so frustrated and why you are upset. What can I do to help?”

 ·      Spend more time with the person.When you have great relationships in your life you will be happier. Whether it is your partner, your family or your friends you will always need to work and improve those relationships. Many often take them for granted and this can lead to complacency.

Spend extra time with the person that you want to improve your relationship with. Work around their schedule and meet up for a meal, go for a walk together. The fact that you are trying will make a difference and hopefully improve it.

Lorraine’s last minute advice

Don’t get angry, remain calm

Breathe deeply

Don’t judge, don’t blame

Walk away if you are getting angry

If you want more help with your relationships I can provide personal coaching.

Be the Best Version of Yourself

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So you want to be the best version of you!

be the best version of yourselflife is a journey.
Life is a journey

Life is a journey and is a continual learning process. Getting the most out of the journey you are on depends on you.

Follow the joy in your life and you will find your true purpose.

I read once that we have two choices in life, we follow our heart and we are always happy or we follow our ego and we are never happy.

First take a few minutes to look at some areas of your life:

  • Emotional self,
  • Spiritual self,
  • Intellectual self,
  • Professional self,
  • Physical self, and
  • Diet

On a scale of 1 to10 with 10 being the most developed and 1 being the least developed rate yourself in each of the above areas.

 Are these scores a surprise or a shock? Do you want to improve some areas of your life and don’t know where to start.

Some things to reflect on

Let go of the ego. The ego is the chattering voice in your head…………

Slow things down in your life and enjoy the here and now.

Be mindful in the moment and that means enjoy whatever you are doing and being really grateful.

If you follow your instinct you will know what is right for you to do. The more you listen and follow your instincts from your heart the happier you will become.

Beware of external influences which will take you off your path.

It is your life to follow and your journey, and

Never compare yourself to others as it will make you vain or bitter.

Actions to Improve your Version of You

Here are some things you can be doing to improve yourself:

Take small steps towards your goal. If you wanted to change job it could be simply doing some research about what you need.

Use the internet to help you search. Also Remember there are 7 billion people in the world. You are not alone.

·Accept help from friends and family. Don’t put up barriers and fully utilize your network.

Don’t get side tracked by social media. This is your journey and not somebody else’s.

you are great! Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Help others to become their best version too.

Look at the big picture of where you want to be and keep taking steps.

Good luck in becoming the new version of you. If you want or need some coaching to help you get to the best version of you, contact me via this page

You are great.

Let’s help you find a happier life.

Confidence, Self Esteem and Life coaching : lorrainec.com

Are you procrastinating?

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Procrastinating

We all procrastinate at some point in our lives. We waste so much time procrastinating when it happens, and we do it because we don’t like or want to do the task that we need to do to be able to move forward.

You ultimately have the responsibility to plan your actions and goals, don’t be afraid to get help if things become overwhelming. A good idea is to write down why you procrastinate and what strategies you use to avoid doing the things you need to do.

Here are some of the common reasons why we justify our procrastination:

Avoidance and Distraction

We avoid situations or tasks that we do not want to deal with. We find other things to do so this provides us with a reason for why we did not do the task we needed to do e.g. we did not make the call because we thought the person might not have the answer.

External Factors

We often blame external factors which we deem as beyond our control e.g. I can’t exercise as I am overworked.

Denial

We convince ourselves that the task we have chosen to do is more important than the task we are avoiding doing.

Here are some strategies you may wish to use to avoid procrastinating:

Break Down Large Projects into Smaller Tasks

It is less daunting if you break down a task into smaller tasks. Decide when and where you will do these and gradually work through them.

Identifying Priorities

Identify what you have to do and by when. Put the most important at the top. Sometimes when we have things to do that we don’t want to do we do other less important tasks first.

Arrange a Time for Tasks

Set aside time when you will do each task and decide how long you think it will take. Putting off doing a task because you need a long time to do it creates unnecessary stress. Don’t delay do it now.

Organise help if you need it

If you have a task and you are unsure about  how to do it or don’t know how to approach it, talk to somebody about it. Help is all around us, our friends, colleagues and family are also a valuable source of help.

Just Do It

The temptation is to put off tasks because we believe that we will be able to do a better job of things if we wait until the time is right. There is never going to be a perfect time because we will always have competing tasks, so just do it and don’t delay.

Confidence, Self Esteem and Life coaching

Being more mindful

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Living more mindfully

What is mindfulness? It means slowing down and being aware of everything that is around you and living and enjoying the present. It is about living in the present without judgment and not spending time focussing always on the future.

Mindfulness is used around the world in business, schools, hospitals and within sport.

If you want to be more fully aware and improve the quality of your life and be happier mindfulness can help you.

My six tips to get you started:

Do one thing at a time. Stop multi-tasking and do one task at a time and do it well.   Enjoy doing it. You will be more productive.

  1.  Enjoy nature, nature helps us to heal, so go for a walk, dig the garden, walk the dog  but enjoy the environment and see the beauty in it without judgment.
  2.  Don’t worry about the future, live in the now and make the most of it. Happy people  live in the present.
  3.  Listen actively, so when talking to someone, listen to what they are saying and don’t let your mind wander to what you need to do next. Be present and enjoy your conversation. The small things can make a huge difference  to other people’s lives and your own too.
  4. Eat slowly and enjoy your food
  5. Spend 5 minutes every day sitting quietly and doing nothing, clear your mind and enjoy the peace.
  6. Live slowly and stop rushing around, as you live more slowly you will become more aware of what is going on around you.

Much has been written about mindfulness and the benefits to individuals are huge in terms of health, feeling less stressed etc. Read about it and see if it feels right for you.

I live mindfully and it has changed the way I think, the way I live and my view of life.

If you want help to live more mindfully and make life changes and you think having your own coach will help then contact me

 

Your Life Your Journey and Your Happiness

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Your Life Your Journey and Your Happiness

We all want to be happy, and our lives to be filled with happiness and laughter. If we are not content with our lives now we often have a goal for the future and we believe that happiness will come when we get that goal.

The majority of people are always searching for happiness.

Happiness will not come when you reach your goal. Happiness is right here now in front of you, it’s in the everyday things you do, the people you meet, your environment.

Why are so many people searching for happiness and not seeing it? Happiness is a state of mind and it is how you view life. Stop searching for happiness and start making your own happiness.

Happiness

Happiness is…

My tips for being happy?

  1.   Have a positive mindset and look at the glass half-full instead of half-empty.
  2.   Ring a friend you haven’t seen in a long time
  3.   See the good around you  – it is there around all of us, appreciate nature
  4.   Set aside your ego and stop trying to control things that you have no control over
  5.   Make a point of doing things that you really love, going for a walk, reading etc.    whatever you like
  6.   Keeping away from negative people
  7.   Not getting involved in negative conversations – walking away from them or trying    to change them to be more positive
  8.   Doing something good for somebody every day
  9.  Look for the good in everything you do
  10. Eat a balanced diet and exercise regularly

Being happy is a continual process and you always need to work on it, it is life enhancing and will make a huge difference to your life and those around you.

Start now and make a note of what makes you happy now!

If you want the help of a life coach contact me

 

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

New Year Resolutions to Change your Life

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Have you set your New Year resolutions? Are they realistic and achievable?New Year Resolution

As a Life Coach, I suggest you rate your goals on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being most likely to achieve. Once you have rated each of your goals, work on the ones where you can start to have some success quickly.

For the Resolutions that are scaled at the bottom, where you need to do a lot of work to achieve them, I suggest you develop a plan.

 Key Things I Recommend

  1.  When your goals are big, break them down in to small achievable steps and work on them one at a time
  2. Look at your language and how you communicate, language can be limiting and often we don’t realise how we come across.
  3. Don’t engage in negative conversations with others, walk away or change the subject.
  4. Many people live in fear, sometimes it is fear of change, so they prefer to do nothing and remain the same. Why not make small changes at first, and once you see the benefits of these changes, you can start to make more. We all fear things bite the bullet and take action.
  5. Look at people you admire and respect in your network and observe how they operate. Learn from them. Get advice from them.
  6. Mix with people who are positive and love life. They are a catalyst and other positive people are drawn to them.

Life is not a dressed rehearsal, live the life you want!

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life” (Steve Jobs )

Image courtesy of Rawich at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Beyond IVF mentoring programme

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I have developed a Beyond IVF mentoring programme together with Cecile Trijssenaar who is an International Adoption expert.

Beyond IVF mentoring programme

The programme provides support to those who are ‘stuck’ and really don’t know what direction to take. Details are here:

Beyond IVF mentoring programme

Paralysed by Fear

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Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Did you know that people spend on average two years just thinking about International Adoption? Are you paralysed by fear?

When I think about it and the sorts of fears/concerns people have I realize that the thoughts are quite irrational and bear no relation to the reality. Sometimes you just need to take the plunge and see where this journey in your life takes you.

Find support whether it be individual coaching support  or group support.

Start your journey now.

What is stopping you?

Feel free to add comments to this post, or get in touch.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Are you a Realistic Optimist?

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Are you a Realistic Optimist?

A realistic optimist firmly believes that things will change generally for the better. They also believe they have control of their lives.

Realistic optimism is about the ability to maintain a positive outlook without denying reality, actively appreciating the positive aspects of a situation without ignoring the negative aspect.

(Reivich, 2003)

Realistic optimists don’t live in a ‘Pollyanna’ world they have a healthy balanced approach towards life.

Are you a realistic optimist? Share your experience!

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net