Month: May 2022

Value Your Integrity

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 This article looks briefly at what you can do to enhance your integrity. I love these quote.

 ‘If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it’

Marcus Aurelius

 ‘You do not wake up one morning a bad person. It happens by a thousand tiny surrenders of self-respect to self-interest’

Robert Brault (American writer)

Definition of integrity

 ‘the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles that you refuse to change’

Cambridge English Dictionary

Integrity
Integrity (Brett Jordan)

Every day we make decisions that test our integrity and what we believe in. It could be as simple as owning up to an error you have made at work instead of letting somebody else take the blame.

When we make good honest choices with integrity in mind it feels good. Others can see this in us and we grow from strength to strength. When discussing with a friend integrity she said ‘it’s just part of our DNA’.

 I think integrity is learned from childhood. We observe it in our parents decision making. We also see the consequences of good integrity. As we develop as individuals and hopefully  maintain integrity we will find friends and people in our network who have integrity too. When we live with integrity it feels good.

When it is part of your everyday life it comes through in what you say, how you react and how you feel. It is just something you do when you don’t have to think about it.

 How to Improve Integrity

 Here are some things you can work on to improve your integrity:

  • Identify what you believe in and what matters. I think of the values that you will never compromise about.
  • Know yourself well so that you make the right choice even if nobody else is around. People often cut corners when they think nobody else will notice. It is about doing the right thing all the time. If the decision you make feels right it probably is. If you have to try to justify to yourself why you are doing something, you are probably listening to the rational side of yourself and not to your heart.
  • Develop your confidence and self- esteem. Mix with people who have integrity. If you have  a decision to make and you don’t know what to do think of a role model in your life who has integrity and think how would they deal with it.

 Key points:

  • Research has consistently shown that people who have integrity are humble and well liked. They have many benefits from having good close relationships (Hodgins, Koestner, & Duncan, 1996)
  • Keep your word, say what you mean and don’t back track later
  • Be confident in who you are and stand up for what you believe in
  •  You don’t need to prove anything – act with integrity and stay humble. You don’t have to stand on a pedestal to get your point heard.

If you need any coaching support contact me

How to Improve Your Relationships

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Relationships

When you have great relationships in your life you will be happier. Whether it is your partner, your family or your friends you will always need to work and improve those relaWhen you have great relationships in your life you will be happier. Whether it is your partner, your family or your friends you will always need to work and improve those relationships. Many often take them for granted and thWhen you have great relationships in your life you will be happier. Whether it is your partner, your family or your friends you will always need to work and improve those relationships. Many often take them for granted and this can lead to complacency.is can lead to complacency.tionships. Many often take them for granted and this can lead to complacency.

Relationships

Here are my top tips to develop a great relationship

·      Don’t monopolise the conversation – make it about the other person.

 When you monopolise the conversation you are making it about you. As soon as you do this the other person will start to drift away and lose interest. Your aim should be to listen more than you speak. If you think of the conversation as 100% between you and the other person, you should aim to listen 70% of the time.

We have all met people who talk endlessly about something that is of no interest to us and others who just monopolise the conversation and make it about themselves.

·      Show an interest in the other person.

Ask the other person open-ended questions. 

When you ask questions it shows you are interested in the other person and helps them to connect with you.  Ask about family, friends and jobs etc. An open-ended question is a question that does not need a yes or no answer.

Ask them an open-ended question about something that you notice about them. This creates a better depth in the conversation. Show interest in this person and find out what interests them. Ask someone how they think or feel about something that they are talking about.

 Pay them a compliment and give positive sincere feedback.

·      Be present and attentive when listening to somebody.

The key word in the previous sentence is present. Listen to what they say without interrupting or thinking how you should respond. Listening well strengthens a relationship as people feel that you care.

Actively listen to the other person. I have met people who are talking to me and they look as though they are listening but they have that faraway look in their eyes, you know they are not listening but thinking of something else.

If you struggle with active listening practice on your family and keep tryingWhen you have great relationships in your life you will be happier. Whether it is your partner, your family or your friends you will always need to work and improve those relationships. Many often take them for granted and this can lead to complacency. to bring your mind back to the present. With practice you will get better.

 ·      Be understanding and compassionate. 

Good relationships require compassion and understanding for each other. Using perspective, try to understand where the other person is coming from even if you have a different opinion. Talk to them from the heart in a calm and kind way.

You can say something like, “I really understand why you are so frustrated and why you are upset. What can I do to help?”

 ·      Spend more time with the person.When you have great relationships in your life you will be happier. Whether it is your partner, your family or your friends you will always need to work and improve those relationships. Many often take them for granted and this can lead to complacency.

Spend extra time with the person that you want to improve your relationship with. Work around their schedule and meet up for a meal, go for a walk together. The fact that you are trying will make a difference and hopefully improve it.

Lorraine’s last minute advice

Don’t get angry, remain calm

Breathe deeply

Don’t judge, don’t blame

Walk away if you are getting angry

If you want more help with your relationships I can provide personal coaching.